Not free to stay until they are freed to leave
"You boys aren’t working for us. You’re working for yourselves. One of these days all this will be yours." My grandmother’s words haunt me still.
"All this" was my fraternal grandparent’s North Carolina dairy farm. From my earliest recollections until I left home after High School it was the primary focus of my life. Chores before school; chores after school; chores in lieu of sports.
It was my grandparent’s dream, my father’s existence and my nightmare. Nevertheless, it was our way of life. It was expected.
I left the farm and headed west - permanently. So did the two oldest of my four siblings. There was no reconciling our obvious economic circumstances with the dreams of our elders. Even today I look back and wish it could have been different, but it wasn’t. The worst part was our inability to even talk about it. Years later my father expressed anger at me for going to college. He thought I was "trying to be smarter" than him.
Irene and I have taken a very different approach with our children. Where possible, we have offered them the opportunity to participate in our activities, but we have not pushed it. We’ve stressed to them that "We’re living our own lives; having our own successes; making our own mistakes." "We expect you to do the same. Dream your own dreams; have your own successes; make your own mistakes."
It seems to be working. Both have graduated from college and found satisfying professional positions of their own choosing. Heather, our younger, is a school teacher. She is also involved in a sheep raising venture with her mother and me. Pete, our older, is a 1st Lieutenant in the US Army. He has married and is living in the area. I hope to do something of a business nature with him sometime in the future, however I am presently content that we enjoy the occasional family weekends we have together.
Hopefully they will both turn out "smarter than me".